So many things I’m trying to remember as I proceed with whatever (as I fight this whatever trapped in my head). Among the many things: I’m not broken. I’m not alone. There are so many people who (inexplicably) never give up on me. They’re never reluctant. They’re rarely questioning (at least they don’t question judgmentally).
Every time I raise my hand in meetings to share, my support system gets closer, but never in a way that feels like a noose tightening. More in a way that feels like the giant parachute we used to use in gym class. I (mostly) feel encompassed in safety. The only exception is when my introverted self is screaming, “Stranger danger!” But that rarely has anything to do with people surrounding me and everything to do with me. What I’m especially grateful for today is that these people – several strangers and otherwise – came up to me and said, “Thank you.” Several strangers and otherwise said, “I get it. Same thing happens to me. You’re not alone. Let me know the times you feel so.”
One of the readings today wrapped up with, “The only urgent thing is that we make a beginning, and keep trying.” All I could hear was Dory from FINDING NEMO, “Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming.” Swimming might be more terrifying than the action of drowning itself, but I’m so glad to have this parachute of people around me helping to keep me afloat; helping to keep me protected. Even though, even when, I don’t think myself deserving.