The little big things

Today I got thinking. I know. Sometimes that’s concerning, but today it’s had me thanking people profusely.

Now. I know I’ve not written here, there, or anywhere for a while, but that’s not been because I’ve been drinking or finally succumbing to suicide or drugs.

My parents and I are moving next week. Two hours north of my location for the last 28 years. As one might expect? This has been incredibly difficult for me.

One? I’m a hoarder. I use piles to build walls and to discourage suicide bc Step Two forbid my parents have to clean up my mess. As a result packing has been that much more miserable than normal people would find it.

Two? I am afflicted by major depression, anxiety, ADHD. All things exacerbated by such a major change, job and financial insecurity, and leaving a number of my closest friends not so easily accessible.

Three? Part of the reason we’re moving is because it’s where my oldest brother lives and he’ll be best positioned to coordinate our parents’ lives as they age and… I’m not ready to think about and…

To run into four? Because my parents are the safest place for me to be. Regardless of whether home is in Portland or north I’m not going to kill myself where my parents are the ones who find me. None of you who know me are surprised that’s the way I would think about it.

All this to say I’m more effusive than normal in my “I love yous“ and “thank yous.” One (Yes, I like serialized lists. Please don’t hate me.): We all need something to feel warmly about these days so why not provide it for someone who’s having a tough time finding it on their own.

Two) Maybe by providing the subtle reminder for one to mind one’s Ps and Qs maybe one starts doing so. And helps someone else the same way.

Three) Seeing someone’s face light up when they’re the recipient of your love and gratitude is kind of magical.

There’s not a lot most of us can do during the Plague. We’re likely not doctors, nurses, rescue, etc. (If you are? Holy Hannah, thank you), so the chances of being the one to reverse course in someone’s plague is slim. However, a smile can work miracles. As St. Francis Assisi said, “A single sunbeam is enough to drive away many shadows.”

Remember that sometimes the smallest thing can be the biggest. It’s easy for me to say I love you. That “I love you” might be the warmest feeling people have over the course of their day. It’s not so hard to provide that, is it?