I walked out of my last Talking Head Shrink with homework. Assignment one: “Write an essay about how it felt to ‘choose life’ and feel good.” Assignment two: “Drive outside a five mile radius.”
I found myself doing both yesterday. Yesterday I drove with my sister and nephew up to the greater Rumford area in Maine. That was an almost 200 mile round trip journey. Including a four year old who, for the last half hour, was doing every parent’s nightmare, “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Mumma, are we there yet?” Most important was that I felt good. I was with my sister and my nephew. We were roadtripping like the days of yore (plus a child not present in the days of yore). We were laughing. We were exchanging love. We were together.
I was happy.
What a foreign concept. What an unfamiliar feeling.
It’s a feeling that’s carried forth today. Helped by the video I have from yesterday of my nephew and his cousin doing four year old laughs over frogs in a bucket. There were also the four year old full bodied laughs when I’d play catch with them. As in with their bodies. They’d run by where I was sitting and I’d swing out an arm trying to catch them. When I would succeed I’d flip them up over my body and then it would be up to the other cousin to free the child in captivity. There was also that one time I caught both.
I got home and I slept better than I have since ever.
Today I forced myself out of the house to work on something other than Netflix. I may not last too long, but, hey, I left the house. So. That counts for something, right?
I walked away from my weekend with tremendous gratitude for family. They always have me grateful for them. And feeling loved beyond belief. This morning I woke up feeling worth it. It’s been a long time (if ever) since I’ve felt that way. And, as in many other circumstances, I have my sister to thank for that.
I lovag your face, Hippo. ❤