I’m supposed to be the good employee. The one who can be counted on. And then you mess up a series of transactions and do no good for the company or your coworkers. In fact pissing off your supervisors and coworkers both.
It’s surreal how easily feeling functional goes south. That’s something those not affected by mental health issues may not get. One can be riding high one day and then X, Y, or Z happens and you’re further south than you remember being in a while.
This is where the fast few days come into play. I wasn’t there for someone asking for help. I thought about just stopping my medications (yes, against medical advice). I cried in my Med Head Shrink’s appointment, my Talking Head Shrink’s appointment, even in the meeting I went to before those two. And then I went to work and get taken to school on some borkups that YOU shouldn’t have messed up. So you cry some more.
Last night I took all my meds. This morning I took all my meds. I got out of bed. I got out of the house. I’m planning on being to work on time.
This is surreal.
Being okay is such a foreign concept to me.