Believing that you believe

When I started this whole thing I was warned by people I know, love and trust not to be too public about things .If you’re too public you end up placing a bar that may be unattainable, that may be unsustainable. When I heard these warnings I didn’t scoff at them; I didn’t say, “Nah, no big deal.” The people saying as such to me were the voices of experience. I didn’t want to let those folks down, I didn’t want to let myself down. When I set out my thoughts were less a scoff followed by, “I’ll be able to do it. After all, I’ve already done it so long, ” and more, “This is going to suck, but I’ll be able to do it. After all, I’ve already done it so long.”

The other thing I’ve been telling myself, though, is that perchance my talking about it is helping other people. The other thing I’ve been telling myself is that I absolutely won’t be able to even approach healthy unless I set this bar high for myself. It’s less setting the bar high and more setting a spot of accountability.

I don’t think I want to fail. I know I don’t want to let people down. But if I don’t talk about things publicly, if I don’t let people know, then I’ve not proven above and beyond that at least I’m trying. That at least I think there something worth saving. I don’t know if/when I’ll ever believe that, but at least I’m believing that you believe.

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