When one thinks of diseases – let’s throw pneumonia out there as an example – one thinks about pain in lungs, a difficult time breathing, A persistent cough that won’t ease up regardless of the meds that are thrown at it. We go to the doctor and say, “Hey doc these are the symptoms, how can we make it better?” When one (especially one who isn’t subject to either) thinks of alcoholism and depression the thought is often that people should be able to stop simply by stopping drinking, drugging, cutting, whatever.
But alcoholism, drugging, cutting, whatever, is so much more than drinking. For many of us drinking and the other substances and tools we use to obliterate our feelings. are just that: tools. This is why when someone at a recent meeting said, “Drinking is a symptom of our alcoholism,” it really struck me.This is part of why, despite not really drinking in the past two years (except for that brewery tour sample), I am still able to call myself an alcoholic. The things (steps) ahead of me wouldn’t be so daunting if being an alcoholic depended solely on alcohol consumption.
I am trying my best to hope for a healthier future. Today? I kind of am. Today is a start. One foot in front of the other. So long as right now I’m sober. So long as right now I’m not cutting. So long as right now I’m doing the next right thing it’s a better than a year ago.