A previous post talked about songs that gave me good feels, this post is about music that triggers me. And my confusion as to why I still listen to it. Example: “How to Save a Life” by The Fray. I can’t hear that song without flashing back to fall of 2006 when a dear friend took his own life, but I still listen to it all the way through. “Konstantine” by Something Corporate and I’m back to the summer after junior year of college. Just the thought of a couple college bands and I’m back at the accident site in 2005 watching the EMTs cut my mom out of our car.
Thing is I don’t stop listening.
I’m either the strongest person in the world or the world’s biggest masochist.
mydarkestplaces 
I’m finding that the last place I want to be is in my own head. I seem to be my own worst enemy. Coming off from a giant fall from a pink cloud, I’ve spent the last six months in a downward spiral that I was only vaguely aware of. Until my insanity and fear all returned. The mental anguish, the selfish entitlement, the scathing judgement but worst of all is the isolation. Angel by theory of a deadman is absolutely devastating, yet I cling to the chaos. It’s all I’ve known; I thrive on my own deprivation. But there is a way out. I’ve touched it, felt it slip through my grasp. You see, I’m too apathetic to put effort into even my own life, but that seems to be one of the keys, to put effort into other’s lives. That and surrender. Neither of which my illness wants me to do. I’m no longer down with the sickness, disturbed. Sometimes darkness can show you the light.
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