So. I’ve been a social media person for years. Interacting with people through WordPress, Facebook, Twitter, and before that, MySpace and LiveJournal. One of the things I used to do a lot, particularly on MySpace and LiveJournal, was post song lyrics that were hitting me in XYZ ways. In light of my inability to articulate using my words putting my mind down on digital paper I’m going to use some song lyrics again.
Brother Ali “Here” -“And I want you to know I only invited you cos I ain’t thought you would show/But I’ll be damned if you ain’t grab my hand
And presented yourself on the thresh hold of the Heartland”
Gnarls Barkley “Basically” – “Feels like… the surreal life/But it’s still nice
Wish I could live twice/but I still might/if these bones heal right/I see a little light/though it’s still night”
Arctic Monkeys “Snap Out of It” – “I get the feeling I left it too late, but baby/Snap out of it (Snap out of it)”
I’ve heard a non-musical derivation of all these lyrics in some form or function, from some friend or other, often over the past few weeks. Particularly those Brother Ali lyrics. The amazing thing for the space I occupy today is if someone hadn’t held out their hand to me at those first meetings I went to I wouldn’t have kept going. If my doctor a few years ago hadn’t said, “This,” I wouldn’t have tried. There are a lot of things I wouldn’t have thought – wouldn’t think – myself worthy of trying or dreaming of because I’m predisposed to think of myself as unworthy. I’m not so good, so smart, or so talented as other people in my life. And I’m not, there are PLENTY of people in my life better, smarter, more talented than I, but that doesn’t mean I’m not also those things. Like I wrote the other day I’m scared of how I’m starting to think I’m going to be okay, but I’ve moved even further beyond that. I’ve started toeing the line of maybe I am okay. And it’s because of all the people who over the past 31 years reached out their hands to me and waited until I was ready to admit not just that I needed to take hold of their hands but that I was ready to take hold of their hands. I’m starting to see the truth in Gnarls Barkley’s lyrics “I see a little light/though it’s still night.”