Fighting my way out

When I started this blog it was/is for me. Along the way, I’ve ended up helping others. And that’s awesome. I’m grateful for that. As an empathetic, bleeding heart liberal I want to help all the people everywhere,* but I’m worried I’ve fallen closer to doing and writing for others more than doing and writing for myself. When I feel guilty for not writing on a given day I feel guilty not because I’m not helping myself, but because you, my adoring (?) audience isn’t able to read my writing on a given day.

I’ve also needed to roll into a self-preservation space. Yes, this has meant flirting the line between being a dry drunk and being a sober alcoholic, but I’ve needed to be in a place where I’m not feeling all the things and thinking all the thoughts. 

Yes, this has meant willfully surrounding myself with those damn mirrors I hate. This has meant not letting myself get away with things I’ve done for many a year, but I’m trying to convince myself it’s okay. Provided I’m not running screaming from those damn mirrors it’s not going in the wrong direction.

My guess is that my writing will be increasingly rare. I’m still hoping and planning on writing regularly and, hopefully, often. But I need to let myself be in the valleys when I find myself there. My hope is that when I find myself in them – if I let myself be in them – maybe the valleys won’t be Grand Canyon low. 

* Well, not bigoted, mysogynistic douchebags, but you know what I mean..


3 thoughts on “Fighting my way out”

  1. It’s good to help others so long as it’s not at your own expense to the point that it causes resentment. I’ve been doing tons of wonderful things for people but I was becoming disenfranchised and miserable as a result. But I never felt more spiritually in tune in my entire life. Which I suppose isn’t saying much, considering my previous lack of spiritual principles

    Liked by 2 people

    1. My thing becomes less resentment inducing and more gratitude inducing. After all, if I’m focused on your problems it means I don’t have to focus on mine. That’s equally ungood. 😛

      Liked by 2 people

  2. It’s all good. Your readers will get by without you EVERY DAY. 😉 But that’s not to say that we won’t miss you. 🙂 As long as you’re moving toward more sobriety and away from the old life, you oughta be ok. Just my 2 cents.

    Liked by 2 people

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