We now return to our regularly scheduled programming. Which isn’t to say I’ve fallen off either of the wagons I’ve been riding…at the same time. For some reason I’m still there, But I’m also trying to comprehend my life as is thus far.
I watched an interview with Misty Copeland – the first African-American to be named a principal dancer for the American Ballet Theatre. One thing that she said that resonated so much with me is, “Stay focused in the moment.” As I journey down this road of not hating myself. As I journey down this road of sobriety. As I journey down this road of, hopefully, someday, not being suicidal, someday not wanting (not needing) to cut I find myself hoping to not ever need these things; to feel more (or less) who I am.
I reiterate what I’m pretty sure I shared at some point in some other post or in some other venue altogether. I am honored by the folks who have written to me in X, Y, Z manner to say that they had found themselves in A, B, C situations at some point and appreciate me writing about my battles.
This isn’t to say I’ll not talk about my struggles with alcohol, with cutting, in the future. As I’m embarking on this journey of non-self hatred I’m realizing it’d be really, really hard to not talk about these things that are so much a part of me. But I’ll no longer talk so vocally about steps, about traditions, about whatever. This will be not just about one battle I’m fighting, but all of them (well, several of them).
I continue to hope what I write about A, B, C situations helps people X, Y, and Z, but more? I want this blog to be healing for me. I want to feel more okay with me.