I’m going to be completely up front with whomever stays by my side throughout the foreseeable future: this blog, in addition to addressing whatever mental health issues I find myself facing – because I know they’re not going to ease up – this blog may end up focusing more on my pursuit of sobriety. Particularly as I’m trying to figure out who I am as an alcoholic.
The way I process things has almost always been via the written word. Whether that’s a happening, a feeling, a whatever – which admitting one is powerless over alcohol certainly counts as all three – writing about it on the Internet, in a journal, email or letter has long been the way I figure out where I am in my head.
I hope that writing about my struggles – whether with my own head, substances, or all of the above – not only helps me, but helps others. At least I certainly hope it helps others because right now, in this moment, I can’t help, but feel I’m fighting the hardest battle I’ve ever faced. I can’t help but be terrified of what’s to come. I can’t help but be terrified of what happens if I fail. What happens if I start hoping I will fail.