I’ll be honest? I started writing this post close to ten years ago. It’s amazing how far I’ve come from then to now. How radically different my job today is from then. How radically different I am now from then. I’m glad I no longer work at a job that will let me work sixty to eighty hours a week. Don’t get me wrong I’m happy to get overtime whenever possible, but I’m no longer going to be the one working the equivalent of two people in one week.
Probably more crucial is I’m not even the same person who started this blog at all so many moons ago. I haven’t had occasion or need to call the suicide hot line (988). I haven’t even texted the text line (741-741).
My world is a whole new world. And I’m, very alarmingly, finding myself okay with where I am cognitively and logistically. Not alarming in the “Get me to the hospital right now way,” but more in the, “I’ve never been so okay and this is more terrifying than being suicidal,” way.
——————————————- an indeterminate amount of time ago ——————————
Today I’ve been texting the Text Line (741-741 if you are in search of help). It came up how I tend to work between 50-60 hours a week. It was brought up how that’s a horrible work/life balance, but what a lot of people don’t realize is that me being at work is often the safest place for me to be.
If I’m at work then I’m not fantasizing and dreaming about getting gone.
Overtime is great (added bonus), but it really comes down to if I’m working and focusing on something for 8+ hours a day then I’m not thinking and focusing on getting gone.
my inner journeys 
I am happy you’re here. I also understand how work is your safe space…it is for me too. It allows me to focus on things and tasks that take me outside of my own mind, if only for a while. It can be scary (maybe unnerving is a better word?) to feel okay and be weirded out by it…it may feel somewhat foreign, but it is amazing when you realize how far you’ve come in your journey.
You are loved and appreciated by many.
Take care,
L
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