In May of 2015 I started a blog to start talking more about my mental health issues. Within a month it had branched out to be my struggle with alcohol.
These days I’m not posting near so often as I did in the beginning. Back in the old days it would be a blog post or two every day. Today it’s whenever I’m struck by the urge to do it.
Today I’m struck by such an urge.
As stated it was June of 2015 when I first said, “My name is…”
It’s only now with the community who’s welcomed me with open arms that I’ve finally felt sober. It didn’t take long for me, at the beginning, to know there’s a difference between not drinking and being in recovery. I’ve picked up a number of white chips to indicate a drink or a drunk, but I wasn’t really actively drinking so I was fine. I’ve done the first step, the second step, and a third step a number of times. This go ’round is the first time I’ve really even started a fourth step in earnest.
This week I’m picking up a six month chip not for the first time, not even for the second or third times, but I’m praying to my second and third step this is the last time I’m picking up a six month chip.
Today I know I can’t drink. I was never “that” drunk, but I also know that since saying I’m an alcoholic my emergency room visits have become physical health related not mental health related. I know that my time spent in hospitals has decreased to an hour or two in the emergency room not a day or week in the mental health ward.
There are a lot of factors that have helped this. I have a job I love for a good company. For managers who value me. For customers I get to help make their houses homes.
I’m not taking for granted the good in my life. I wake up in the mornings and more often than not today I’m grateful I’m waking up alive. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt that before. I’ve wanted to be gone for so much of my life. Today? Today after I post this blog I’m going to go home and hug my cat. I’m going to queue up Netflix. I’m probably going to eat a sandwich and definitely some peanut butter cups.
Are there areas of opportunity in my world? Absolutely. I’m human. But today I’m grateful for the life I’m living.
Thanks to those who help make it worth it.