There’s a lot more attention being paid to depression and mental health these days.
It’s about time.
But oft overlooked are the differences between male depression and female depression. Men’s is minimized by basically saying, “rub some dirt in it.” And females’ by saying, “Oh it’s just PMS.”
Let me tell you. Something I’ve learned over the past couple years is that there’s beyond PMS. It’s PMDD or premenstrual dysphoric disorder. Or, as I’ve taken to calling it, PMS on steroids.
There has been a lot of correlation and causation between my self harm and suicidality and my cycle. I started birth control ten years ago to try and regulate it a little. It did regulate it. A little. But not so much and my lady doctor started me on a birth control shot.
That has done a lot to regulate my hormones affecting my mental health, but not enough. I can still tell, very distinctly, when my lady bits let loose my hormones. Even without a cycle for two years.
It is with these experiences, and an excellent medical care team, that we’ve made the decision to remove my inner lady bits.
In hopes it’ll save my life.
I’d not ever wanted kids, I still don’t. My favorite part of my beautiful nieces and nephews is giving them back. So I just had plumbing withering a way within me and having me plan my suicide like clockwork every month.
I don’t know what to expect come May 21st, but we’ll find out three weeks after.
I’m sick of feeling suicidal then feeling like a failure for not following through.
Here’s to greater functioning ahead.