So. Had an appointment with a new med shrink this morning. Her questions were largely when/why/etc. and I didn’t have a full litany of answers, but in thinking about it on my way to the talking head shrink I thought of an answer: I want to be more than fine on paper. I want life to be more than an on paper life. Anyone who’s ever dealt with major depression you can understand how terrifying that conclusion is.
I’ve never not been depressed. I probably could have received a diagnosis when I was twelve. I don’t know me without the depression. The thought of me being more than on paper fine is absolutely terrifying.