Had a friend struggling recently with their sobriety so I was messaging with them to help them and, evidently, to help myself.
I’ve been struggling of late, too. With big things going on – big regrets, big joys – I’ve felt the urge to drink more than I have for the past three years, particularly more than the past six months since saying, “My name is and…” Last night I ended up being all wisdomful-like when I said to this friend, “You’ll regret drinking more than you’ll resent not drinking.” That seems to be where I fall a lot of days of late. Regretting drinking more than resenting not drinking. I had an exchange with another friend that had me saying, “I don’t want to go because I don’t want to admit to everyone I let them down.” That person’s response was, “You didn’t let anyone down just keep coming back.”
I don’t know how or why these people have come to be so unquestionably, lovingly, and unceasingly in my life, but it’s been more than a week since I drank and more than a month since I cut. There are days I resent the things reining in my behavior, but what I said to that friend is mostly right, I’d regret if I did these things more than I resent not doing so.