What I hate

Besides bigotry, closed mindedness, loved ones’ pain, I flipping hate being stuck in my head. 

I’m an intelligent human. There are lots of ways I turn off my head – Netflix, books, things that don’t necessarily have me thinking – but no matter how hard I try I’m still suck. It’s like the outside is throwing me a six foot rope, but I’m finding myself ten feet down. I’m grateful folks are throwing me the rope. That some are willing to come down with me because they know the way out. That gratitude doesn’t help stop the hyperactive hamsters; it doesn’t stop the spiral. 

But today I’m putting one foot in front of the other. I’m trying to do the next right thing. I’m trying to avoid doing the wrong thing. 

I still hate the feeling, though.


5 thoughts on “What I hate”

  1. I was stuck in my own head for months. It led to the bottom that I needed to finally needed to turn my will and my life over. It gets a little better every day. Keep making calls and talking to people. The tunnel may seem endless, but there is a light at the end.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. What’s ended up worse is I used to be able to hide things. Now I can’t. And I flipping hate it. And it doesn’t stop. And pretty well I hate everything. 😦

      Liked by 2 people

      1. It may be helpful for you to keep in mind something that a sweet old alanon told me once, or maybe twice: “feelings aren’t facts.”
        Oh and that overthinking thing? It will also quiet to a more tolerable degree. Just keep coming, and especially get to work on the steps.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. When I did a fearless and thorough step five, I felt a new ‘quiet’ in my mind. At first I didn’t want to be completely honest, even with myself. Especially with myself. But it’s kept me out of a lot of the troubles that used to find me all the time. Your body is adjusting. That feeling is your body demanding what it thinks it needs. You’re finding a new normal. It’s difficult, it really is. Stick it out.


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