I promised you…

Promised you/warned you I’ll likely end up posting a lot as I continue down this road of less of a train wreck. Today’s post, in honor of Day Four, is again inspired by something I heard at the meeting I went to this morning.

The main topic of discussion today was what AA had taught the folks present at this meeting, particularly at the beginning of their (our) journeys. There were points made and stories shared, but the one that resonated the most with me today was, “The first step is the doorstep.”

Pretty sure I’ve talked several times already about the cliche of “the first step is the hardest,” but this morning this person, said, in essence, “Yes, admitting one is powerless over alcohol is insanely hard, but the hardest step is the doorstep.” In the AA Preamble one of the tenets (re)affirmed is that, “The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.” Step 1 is admitting one is powerless over alcohol, but in order to “make the steps work” there has to be a pre-step of wanting to stop drinking. That want has to have you sometimes crossing many thresholds in order to admit that powerlessness.

There are two things stressed for new alcoholics to do as soon as they can: find a home group and find a sponsor. Today I’m starting to feel as though I’m close to calling the meeting I’ve gone to several times this week my home group. It’s not just the location or the people (although the proximity to my coffee shop and the people at the meeting are certainly strong points in its favor), but it’s also the only meeting that consistently works with my schedule. I may end up getting only five hours of sleep over the course of the night, but I’d rather go without sleep and with extra caffeine than try going this alone. I know myself well enough to know I couldn’t do that.