Optimism is one of the scariest things in the world. And I’m not saying I’m feeling particularly optimistic right now, but I’m not feeling particularly pessimistic either. It’s like when I made the transition from not dead to undead to that one time I said alive. When one spends so much time buried in one’s own heart and head it’s difficult to be in a place where one believes not just that one’s undead, but one’s alive. I’m continuing this path and thinking more often that I’ll be okay. And that’s terrifying. I’m not used to it. People who know keep telling me I’ll get used to it at some point, but right now that doesn’t seem remotely possible and doesn’t not scare the crap out of me.